“A bizarre vanity project for Warner Bros. Discovery CEO David Zaslav, this baffling, tacky simulacrum of a prestige picture only makes sense as a bid for garden party respectability from the purveyor of Dr. Pimple Popper and MILF Manor. The Alto Knights is an almost unfathomably boring movie, so inert it feels like the film itself has achieved senescence.” – North Shore Movies, 03/21/2025